Spring is nearly here! Grass is slowly creeping into new shades of fresh green, birds are waking me up every morning with their song, even the tulips are poking their way up out of the winter soil! Talking to some friends down in South Carolina, they were already experiencing spring over a month ago, so I can imagine for some of you it may not seem as exciting(!). The spring season doesn’t last long up here, as we usually get an unexpected dump of snow (or two!) before the end of May. By then … we’re pretty much in summer anyway. So, every bit of spring that comes our way, I savor.
I decided to put my green thumb to the test this year and start some plants right from the seed. This was all new “ground” for me. In the past, I’ve diligently tended to my store bought patio plants, but I’ve never started from the “root” of things like this. According to the plant lady at the greenhouse, I started the seeds about a week and a half too late for our short season, but I’m determined to try it anyway. Because our little place faces north/northeast, the total amount of sun we get is limited, so I stuck with the leafy vegetables this year (kale, 3 different types of lettuce, etc…).
Much like my own life right now, new things are sprouting and coming to the surface. Yes … the baby of course is getting bigger (only 6 weeks to go!), as are some other areas in my life that have needed new growth.
I’ve been an independent person most of my life, always finding ways to make things happen. And by that, I pretty much mean, working hard! My jobs (even though I haven’t always loved them) have always been the main reason for my daily routine and working hard at them have proven to give me productive, purposeful “meaning”. I always dreamt of the day when I wouldn’t have my job(s) roadblocking and distracting me from doing things that needed to get done or that I really wanted to be doing – housework, sleep, creativity, personal time, running, etc…
Since I’ve been on maternity leave (March 23), I’ve felt lost in my own skin. It’s wonderful that Matt can work and I don’t have to. Trust me … I’m not complaining here! But it is quite the shift to have a feeling of daily satisfaction because of those career/work goals, to now, completely freeing my mind from them and pursuing a purposeful day from my personal objectives (with the evident new factors of being pregnant! – another blog post heh heh). I’ve been asking myself again, “what do I really want to accomplish?”.
The beauty of having moments of realization like this, is that I don’t have to prove anything … to myself, to God, or to others. Often, I’ve felt the need to push the normal standard just to feel validated in the work I do. Sometimes missing moments because I’ve given into pursuing the goals others give me instead of own. Obviously, working for someone, you have to(!), but I’m the type of person that won’t let it rest unless I’ve proven something.
I’ve been trying to curb that with the very truth … that my value is not in what I prove.
The law of Your mouth is better to meThan thousands of coins and silver …Your hands have made and fashioned meGive me understanding that I may learn your commandments …Psalm 119:73-74
We’ve all been made and fashioned, way before we ever had those moments of “discovering ourselves” and “learning who are”. Why then, would I have to do things to authenticate who I am?
We are all fearfully and wonderfully made … with no expectation to prove who or what we can do.
I pray you, as well, would find freedom in that promise today.
pic pix: the sprouts, my studio – Calgary, AB, 16.Apr.2012