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control.

PINBecause of thunderstorms/showers, the light was so low yesterday afternoon and for the first time, it felt super cozy and homey in this new house.  We’ve still got a LOT of personalizing to do with our space – inside and out – but that aside, it also felt incredible knowing that 1. we had no plans for the evening and 2. the clean kitchen didn’t have to get messy because Matt offered to pick up dinner (#winningwife)!  Not everything about somewhere “feeling like home” comes down to how it looks, BUT some key things, like wall color do help it feel more and more like your own tailored space.

Moving here, we decided that instead of hiring painters, we would cut costs of labor and do the painting ourselves.  Great idea in the long run, but for the short term, this ‘get-er-done gal’ in me is nearly having a conniption fit!  And with the three kiddos, time is a precious commodity and there aren’t necessarily oodles of hours to be spent painting walls on repeat.  Soooo, to say that I’ve been a tad frustrated that I can’t work fast enough(!) may be an understatement.  Just maybe.

But, like the rest of mankind I know that I can’t be in control of everything in my life (even though I try to hard to be in control sometimes).  Lately, I’m quite sheepish to admit, most of my silly, day-to-day frustrations have been because of exactly that.  My lack of CONTROL over, well, everything.  Things like …

When my nine month old is teething and I’m not sleeping great.  When the lady on kijiji promised me the Jenny Lind bed I’ve been keeping my eye out for (for over 3 years) sold it 3 hours before I said I would come get it (still boiling about that one!).  When my boys get too curious and quiet for too long = <face palm> troubles a-brewing.  When you have an employee that works in your house four out of five workdays and you don’t feel like getting out of your pjs but you just have to.  When the clock reads midnight and I haven’t had time to work-out, garden the greenhouse weeds, paint another room or tackle the loads of laundry needing to be folded (because I am sooo excited to do the latter!).  When people in our world make senseless decisions that start a trickling effect that now have infiltrated most of our worlds.  When rage and rudeness are what strangers show you because they feel they need to be on defence.  Or when …

The list of complaints things could keep going on and on, and my frustration could keep rolling into what I know for myself as the “thunder zone”.  Once the lightening sparks my frustration, the thunder isn’t far behind.  Being in control isn’t something that was ever promised to us (even though I feel like I want it to be sometimes).  If I walk around with the understanding that things should go my way, all. the. time.  I will continually be rudely shakened with the thunder storms in life as a result, all. the time.  Simply because, I can’t handle being in control.

Man cannot control the current events.  He can only float with them and steer.  -Otto von Bismarck

So … I can’t be in complete control BUT what I do have control over – my stubbornness, will, e.x.p.e.c.t.a.t.i.o.n., desire to change – I do have to relent and trust to the One who is at the head of the ALL command centers in existence.  The Author and Finisher of my faith.  The Creator of heaven and earth.  The God of yesterday, today and forever.

“…And this same God who takes care of me will supply of all your needs…” -Philippians 4:19

God is not out to correct me and be a controlling authority in my life.  He is a good God who wants to take care of me, see me through even the smallest of frustrations, and GROW me into a healthy vessel so I can share more of His good and perfect gifts.  Why I don’t accept that authority sometimes baffles even me.  And how He readily AND continually extends the protection of His control over my life baffles me even more!  Who in their right mind would want to take in all of that care?  When it all breaks down, it’s someone who thinks he/she is stronger than the elements of life.  Someone that thinks they can fight a thunderstorm with their own strength.  Someone who thinks they are invincible.  Someone, like myself, who thinks if only they make a few more lists, everything will become that much more manageable.

Life is too short to constantly be fighting to be in a position of a control that, as mentioned above, is not even attainable.  And as I ask this specifically to myself today, I ask you, what are you trying to control?  Stop trying to fight the storm and enjoy it, frustration-free, instead.

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  • July 15, 2016 - 3:32 pm

    Calista - Have you every listened to any of Emerson Eggerich’s Love and Respect podcasts? I was listening to one recently and he said, “My response is my responsibility.” Truthfully, that’s about the only thing we can control, and even then we still need Jesus. 🙂 Your last thee paragraphs made me think of that quote. I absolutely love your photos and your posts, as always. I wish I lived close enough to come help you with the painting and the laundry!ReplyCancel

    • August 4, 2016 - 3:52 pm

      sarah nadine - i actually have not listened to those podcasts … another one to add to the list, thank you!! it’s something i’ve told myself (“only i can control me, i’m the only one responsible for what i do”) … if i can’t even control that, how could i ever carry the weight of everything i want to be in control of??

      thank you again for your thoughtful comments … it’s always a joy to read them!

      bisous xoReplyCancel

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